“All this trouble tryin’ to catch right up with me, I keep movin’ knowin’ some day that I will be, Standin’, facin’ all mirrors are erasin’.” All Mirrors, song by Angel Olsen

I stand in the bathroom and I start to look at the damage of my recent shopping trip to the local TJ Maxx. I felt that I seriously was lacking in the self care arena by evidence of my dry cuticles and overall feeling of stress. I went overboard, face masks, feet masks, Korean brand of skin care that I have never heard of before, but really was well liked by the online community, littered my bathroom along with all the other gazillion products that I thought would change my life. These products were bought in a flash, no thought of what it would truly cost me.

I am initially excited about my purchases, because I was giving in to the notion that I have been pushing myself to take care of all the things around me, but the most important thing: myself. But dread and guilt rear their ugly heads, “Why did you buy this, you will never use it,” my mind hissed at me, ever the critic. I waver feverishly between elation that I am giving myself permission for self care, but trepidation over the buying of more things and how it will affect my monthly budget. At first, I was at an impasse, locked in mortal coil with my own brain. But then, I had an idea.

What if all this back and forth was me putting the mirror on my current habits? I could either sulk and feel sorry for myself or I could use this as an opportunity to start the most massive self care routine known to MAN. I mean, why not? I have every product that I could use for centuries, so I better start figuring out to be less mortal and more vampiric or I could use the shit that I have and get to empty on every product. Since Nosferatu-ing myself is out of the question (and he really had a great nail routine), I am challenging myself to USE EVERYTHING.

I will post every time I use something up because I know that there must be other people out there that are just like me and need the encouragement to not buy something if you already have it. I am not talking about not buying yourself something that you don’t have to help your mental and self care. This is about shining a light on my current habits that are no longer serving the person I am and who I want to be. Which honestly, I want to be more present in my life and to be less impulsive. I also want to be less of a consumer and more intentional of what and how much I buy. Saving money is also a bonus.

So friends, new friends, and vampires, have a great Friday and as always, much emotional spending love,

Elle B.