There are times in my life where I ignore money chatter in my brain and replace it with another shiny thing. The shiny thing is a distraction, a delusion, easier to deal with than the obvious thing that I am not taking care of because it seems so overwhelming or I am so ashamed to admit that I don’t have that side of me on lock. Sometimes it is easier to believe the lie instead of looking the liar in the face, which you might as well put a mirror in front of you.

But today, I am tired of being ashamed. Shame thrives on secrecy, dark hidden things. I want to bring it out into the light. I want to spiral upward instead of downward into a deeper hole, a place that I now find myself in. It is not a hopeless situation. This is going to take time, effort, and a whole hell of a lot of willpower.

I have been avoiding these things: Setting up a payment plan for my ER visit (no insurance visit may I add). Getting current on my student loans. Setting up a payment plan for my other doctor bill (out of network). Setting up a budget for the month of November (where in the hell did October go?) and honestly decluttering my home (decluttering makes my mind less cluttered and only then can I make space for all the other things I need to take care of).

I am tired of slinging letters across my desk for them to remain unopened, essentially sticking my head in the sand. So, I will help myself and my mental health and get all these things set up in the next week. I will post my progress. Honestly, it is nice to have this blog because I feel like I am not alone here in my self made struggles. I hope that this can help someone besides myself and honestly if it only helps me, that is enough because I am truly worth it.

As always, much Emotional Spending love,

Elle B.