Tag: Emotional Money

High Lows

December 1st, 2025

There is something to be said of succeeding and starting over than never starting at all. It is just difficult when you have attained a certain level of financial health only to begin again at zero.

We succeeded on saving almost $9,000 because there was an urgent home project that we found ourselves steeped in. It had to be fixed. Our saving methods were ravenous. Every extra penny, every overtime check, even my bonuses went into this savings beast. We hit our mark, fixed our home, and then were left with the gaping hole where our savings used to be.

Back to black and beginning yet again is exhausting. I felt the depression creep up in my throat because we are now left exposed to life’s fickle nature. I am proud of our accomplishments, don’t get me wrong. But it is the starting over, slugging through the financial muck once again is leaving me in a state of exhaustion. I would like to say that I have a strong mental fortitude for times such as these, but there are days where it is hard to get out of bed and face the world, to hustle again and again.

Today, my bed won. The closing off of the world with thick blankets seduced me into a false sense of control. I know that I cannot sustain this disconnect from the world for more than a day because things have to be taken care of, the house needs cleaning, and I need a shower. I will pull myself through this again and again and again for as long as it takes to be financially and emotionally whole again. I believe that we are more capable than what we give ourselves credit for, more powerful than what we lead ourselves to believe.

Don’t forget to take care of yourselves friends, and believe in yourself

Love, Elle
Aching

June 29th, 2025

As I write this, I am overwhelmed with the notion that I am nearly 40 and I have no savings at all. Zip, nada, none. I remember seeing the Pinterest posts that show what you should have achieved by a certain age, such as, have a fully funded emergency fund by age 30, house paid off by 40, and retire by 50. All of the milestones that I should have already hit by Pinterest’s standards are now sitting on my chest. Yes, I am aware that everyone’s financial journey is different, but why do I still feel behind?

My aching chest almost cannot handle the financial pressure. The stress has emerged in several ways such as exhaustion which affects my job. Boredom, because we are trying to save or give a home to every dollar, has started to creep in and we spend our weekends like ghosts staring at the walls of a house that desperately needs repair. Oh, that is also on the list. So we sit in the house, walk our pets, and do the same thing over and over again that it almost feels like Groundhog Day. Where is Bill Murray to provide some humor in all of this sameness?

I know there are people out there that feel like this. I also know that walking is free and helpful, libraries are free, vision boards are great and free and all the other free things we can do. Learning to change is hard when you have been a certain way for quite some time. Unlearning all the things that have brought you to demise is like trying to remove a cozy coat that kept you warm or being pushed out of an airplane without being taught how to pull the ripcord, panic setting in and praying you learn it before hitting rock bottom.

I just don’t know how to be here, in the present. I know how to be there and there and behind and forward, but not here. Here in the present, I am writing about feeling so insecure about my finances. There in the future, I am financially stable and do not have the money worries that current Elle has now. I want to be there so bad I can almost feel how it feels to wear that skin and be that person. I am so inpatient and scared that I will not get there.

I am hoping that I will friends. That we all get there.

Much love, Elle
Ranting

June 22nd, 2025

Paycheck to paycheck was not the plan. The plan was to be financially free by 2024. Well, it is 2025 and I am on my same bullshit that got me seeped in all this mess.

No one talks about what it takes to get out of the paycheck to paycheck lifestyle.

No one talks about how the cash/check advance is just a bandaid that you will eventually have to rip off. This does not apply to me now, but years ago I found myself under the throes of a never ending cycle.

I feel like all the money advice is geared toward when you have your finances in order.

I also feel like if the world is in constant turmoil, it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel with finances and our future.

I want to start blocking everything so I can focus on my finances and my mental health. Unhappy people spend, content people save and feel like they have enough.

Why can’t I be one of these people? What does it take to be this person?

I really don’t know anyone like this, how do I find these people for mentoring purposes?

Why does this feel so hard and like stability will never happen?

I just have so many questions today. I know this post is everywhere today, but this is how I feel about money today.

Take care of yourselves both emotionally and financially friends.

-Elle
The $1 Starbies Tumbler

October 23rd, 2024

For the last few months a vice for me has been nothing more than coffee and sweets, specifically Starbucks. I typically get my favorite: Brown Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso and a Lemon Loaf to the tune of 700+ calories. I have diligently been getting Starbucks each day that I work, which for me is Monday-Friday. Watching the points rack up, I start to get excited, thanks to extra points for buying specific things, such as 70 points if I ordered a glazed donut or a specific coffee for the day. What’s not to like? I enjoy my coffee and the lemon loaf is divine. I pushed aside the stress of getting my daily treat because after all, I was working my butt off and it’s ok to get a reward. I take a deep breath and enter the Starbucks. So today was THE DAY that I would use all the points that I had accrued on my Starbucks app. I finally had 400 points to use and I have been eyeing the Halloween UFO cup at my local Starbies. Walking up to the counter, I get this thrill, the excitement of buying something technically for free right? Right?! I also feel this rush like I am doing something that I shouldn’t, which is spend more money. I get the cup and inspect it for any issues (I have had cups look great, but then are broken, which won’t do when I am turning in my points). The cup is perfect, this moment is perfect, cup in hand I am ready to check out. “That will be $1.05.” I eagerly pay the 1ish dollar requirement and start to feel regret. BUT I HAVE MY CUP THAT I DILIGENTLY BOUGHT SO HARD TO GET. This sentence screams in my head. Cup in the bag, I drive home, thinking of how much I actually had to spend to get the points. I pull into the drive and get out still feeling somewhat nauseous at how much money those points actually cost.

$173.66 worth.

I felt ill. I recalculated and came to the same conclusion, same amount.
What the fuck have I been doing with the rest of my finances, my life even? Has this purchase thrown me into a midlife financial crisis? AM I HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS? When has any purchase made me feel sick to my stomach? When did I start losing control? Have I ever exhibited control?

I look at the UFO cup, wishing that I could be beamed up to any reality instead of this one. This current one sucks balls right now, not gonna lie.

I deleted the app. But just deleting an app isn’t going to get me where I want to go, which is trying to figure out my life, finances included. Impulsivity included.

So, I decided to start a blog, which sounds like the thing that a worshipper of Starbucks would do. All hail BOSE, when one can afford. But this will be an accountability blog, something just for me to stay on some kind of path that I seem to have fallen off of time and time again. I am not financially literate, well obviously. I just want to write about my wins, my fails, and maybe this will help someone including myself.

Much emotional spending love,
Elle B.

Tag: Emotional Money

High Lows

Aching

Ranting

The $1 Starbies Tumbler