I did something new today, something that I am hoping really helps our budget and financial health in general. I ynab-ed. Ynab, short for “you need a budget” wasn’t in my bingo card for a random Tuesday, but here we are. I did this because I feel utterly out of touch with our monthly budget and truly in almost every area of my life.

What does maxxing out look like? To me, it’s a life where everything is coming to a head. Most of our credit cards are maxxed out. I am at my most heaviest weight at 245 lbs. My mind is filled with so many what ifs’ that it too is feeling so full it might burst. We do not have a budget and it is a very stressful place to be. I tell myself that I do not choose suffering, yet the very decisions that I have made prove otherwise. Or maybe it’s a form of self destruction, this maxxing out feeling. My life is easier to manage when it stays the same, but I feel like life has been akin to a boiling pot, I will not know I am cooked until it is too late. I cannot sustain this path.

So I am choosing lightness. I am choosing ease. I am choosing to be better in all aspects of my life. I bought a book that I think may help, which is Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg, PhD. I just saw the title and went straight up to the cashier, not paying with credit mind you. I just want to change and find the ways to do it, whether it be motivation, discipline, or what have you. I want to start small, fix my life in bite sized pieces. I know myself, if I do too much too soon I will give up.

I also know that I am not a good writer about all of this or nor do I have the best punctuation or grammar. I do know that I want to change my life, which is what really matters. However I choose to articulate how I know my life needs to change is my own perogative. I just want to share it in hopes that it helps me and someone else realize that we deserve the life that we are willing to build for ourselves.

So, here’s to building the life that we want friends!

With love, Elle Brown